bachelorette week 3 commentary

• WHAT! why is emily’s mom bringing her breakfast in bed? emily you are an adult woman and reality television star! make your own breakfast!
• chris, aka bobblehead, is VERY weird.
• lolz @ emily’s biker shirt.
• doesn’t every woman dream of a man telling her she looks good in a harness? how romantic.
• seriously abc, i’m so over these “love is an adventure/challenge” metaphor-type dates. so. over. them.
• bobblehead seems like an alright guy, but very strange and also obsessed with kissing her.
• viewers’ kiss consensus (from me, roommate emily, and hannah) on chris: LAME!!!
• how does one earn the nickname “wolf?” can i get all my friends to call me “coyote” or something?
• if my friend was the bachelorette and i got to meet and interview all the guys i would be SUPES excited! these women are like not even phased. what gives?
• lolz at all the boys dancing.
• i can spot an alcoholic from a mile away and emily’s blonde friend definitely is one. homegirl is crazy.
• but sean is FOR REALZ so cute.
• i pretty much hate kids, but if there’s one thing i love, it’s boys playing with kids. so, so, so cute.
• a tip to every boy, ever: do not make a fat joke to a girl. ever. at all. period.
• emily, sean, and ricki would make hitler’s dream family.
• tony talks like a robot! how does he have emotions?
• awwww @ jef “i have a major crush on you.”
• @ emily’s talk with tony: what just happened? hahahahaha WHAT? is she sending him home? we for real can’t tell.
• okay well bye i guess tony!
• hahahahaha dollywood. classy date choice, emily.
• on dolly parton writing and singing a song for emily: WHAT? like, are you serious? i can’t… i just can’t.
• oh there’s no person i would want giving me relationship advice more than dolly parton.
• it’s the worst when bachelorettes/bachelors try to trick people into thinking they’re not getting the rose. ashley did that too. so annoying.
• viewers’ kiss consensus on arie: very good!
• @ kalon: NO. JUST NO. get out of here, i hate you.
• @ the guys mourning shelly: hahahahahahaha. this is why i love boys.
• @ alessandro: omg, there are no words. but also, like his name is alessandro, so they never would have worked out.
• viewers’ kiss consensus on sean: kind of awkward but it’s sean so whatever.
• i am like these producers’ perfect audience because i love all the people they want me to love and hate all the people they want me to hate. i will for real react however they want me to react.
• BYE STEVIE.

new favorites, in order: sean, arie, jef, doug, charlie.

bachelorette week 2 commentary

i’m too busy laying out at the pool and watching criminal minds and drinking dr. pepper by the gallon to do a full commentary this week, so i’ll leave you with this:

(image via)

because if there’s one thing i love more than the bachelorette, it’s the muppets. this is not a joke, i freaking love the muppets (enough that i screamed when i found out they were going to be on the show).

i promise to do a full, at least mildly amusing post for next week’s episode. my faves so far are doug, charlie, ryan and jef.